Understand your child

For the Parents

BEING a parent can be challenging, especially when it comes to communicating with your child at
different stages of their lives.

Primary, secondary, and college-aged children all have different needs, and it is important for
parents to be aware of the unique challenges they face. For example, many children learn about
relationships and sex education from their peers. It is crucial for parents to have a say in their
children’s lives during this time, and to make sure they are getting the right information.

Parents with college or university students, should cater for the child's personal needs that go with
their generation. Understand that time is changing, the way things were done in the 1980s and
1990s, were now different.

Understand the child’s need, and provide if necessary. This however, should be in line with good
principles. Truly a child can not go to college/ university with chimbudzi phone. Kindly assist him/her
with a basic phone that has Whatsapp, and that can google.

As parents, let us try to provide adequate/ basic finances to the children as they prepare to go to
college without spoiling them.

College life has its own pressures chief among them, pressure from other peers such as clothes,
money for one or two items to use at college. At times as parents, we are not able to cater for all
that our children want, yet the child will be seeing colleagues with a new Iphone and clothes.

As a parent you might not avoid this but try to provide so that the child does not feel out of place.
Poverty is not good for the child as she/he will be tempted to have “blessers”.

Parents should give children a room of communication where children will be able to express what
they feel or what they are experiencing. Some parents do not even talk to their children.

In some instances it is only the mother that freely talks to the children. Communicating with your
child is of paramount importance, especially if both parents act likewise.

Do not always criticise your children, shout or gossip them with other people. Make the children feel
loved. This boost self-esteem for the child as well as confidence.

Find time and visit the child at college. It is important to know where your child is staying and who
are his/her roommates or friends at college. Some students are staying as couples the whole
semester.

Know the set up at college and not wait for information that comes from the child only. Know the
modules that the child is doing that semester, and provide a laptop for research and assignments.
Some students, after paying fees do not attend lectures and lie when it is time for results. Monitor
all this.

Some students even misuse the college fees and lie to parents. They cook up stories and convince
you. As a parent, be well informed about all this. The same applies to parents with children at

boarding school. Attend the consultation days, and month-end school visits. It is good if you attend
these visits as both parents. Be a good team for your child.

During holidays take your children out. You can take them to a restaurant or any food outlets if
funds permit. Do braai with your family and not always eat meals cooked at home. Outings are
necessary.

Surprise your children on their birthdays, and when they do well at school or home. This makes the
children feel loved. Gone are the days when children fear their parents, when the father returns
from work, children rush to their bedrooms.

Have time with your children. When you are home assist your children with homework, do not leave
this to the house girl. It is your duty as parents to help your child. Some parents have time for their
friends but not for their children.

Teach your children household chores like laundry, cooking, ironing, sweeping etc. You will not stay
with your children the rest of your life. Teach them life skills so that they will not have challenges
tomorrow.

When you go to church, do not leave them watching cartoons. A child who grows up fearing God will
have a good foundation for tomorrow life challenges.

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Dr Manners Msongelwa
+263 771 019 392
Author/Youth Coach/Teacher